Doing Good

Just checking in. 

Tonight I had my first show ever without either coffee, sugar, gluten or alcohol to pep me up. This, friends, was unusual and uncomfortable to start with, but I soon warmed up and enjoyed myself. 

I think I am starting to get through the withdrawal's at a deeper level. I seem to be more awake, but also more sleepy. Today, for example, I slept for four hours in the middle of the day. This lack of coffee makes me realise how tired I must have been this whole time, just naturally, and wonder about the effects of covering this over day after day for years and years, as we tend to do to commonly in these here times. 

Anyway, I am surviving. My body is loosing weight, and a steady pace. I am feeling a lot better than I did. 

That's all for today!

Day Three

Breakfast beans, beans, more beans, with lots of olive oil and rosemary and garlic. Yoghurt with fruit

Lunch; tomato and tuna sauce with rice

Dinner: mexican mince with cous cous, salad and roasted pumpkin

Moodwise, wow what a day. Late night up with the babies, slept through till 7.30pm. Really really grumpy day. Yelling at people in anger pretty much all day - really low tolerance, fiercely bad mood, wanted to kick and blame something or someone. 

Managed to avoid avacado at dinner- proud. Had double the sour cream though!

Also noticing this terribly annoying thing; that when I drink coffee (with soy milk), my throat feels like it is swelling up, and gets uncomfortable. On top of this, I get a very similar problem when I drink beer or wine, with the addition of my nose being blocked suddenly. At this stage I have limited myself to one coffee a day, and two generous serves of alcohol on Friday and Saturday, but am I going to have to give up this pleasure as well? Am I wheat or sulphites intollerent?

Is there anything I can enjoy?

Yes

a juicy fresh peach

garlic, ginger and basil

cup of tea

bonsoy 

eggs with rice

duck

seasoned tempeh

smoked tofu

big fresh salad

fresh mint and lime with soda and ice

salty pork

a few pieces of dried fruit (easy tiger)

lovely things

Goodbye nasty day three. 

Cups of tea. 

Thirty Three and Sugar Free; The Beginning

Hello There

I turned thirty three in September. I am an artist, a seeker of truth and highs, and I don't know who I am without my lifelong addiction to sugar. It's not yet a widely recognised addiction, but it's one that I recognise within myself, and want to explore.

I have always, and I mean always, loved sugar. My first joyful memories are of food, sweet food, junk food. I have indulged and battled my whole life with this love of over-eating. Of eating what I want to eat.

It occurred to me not so long ago that, hey presto, maybe I was addicted to sugar. Having been on and off diets since I was eight years old, it does surprise me that this did not occur to me earlier...

A series of experiments involving withdrawing sugar, and observing the consequences, leads me to believe that this is, indeed, the case.

So. 

I want to know who I am when I'm not chasing my fix. 

And this is what I intend to do; give up sugar for a year.  Radical, I know. Refined sugar, honey, jam, anything with more than 5% sugar in it, I pass it up. 

I have noticed, also, that when I drink wine or beer, I eat a whole lot more sugar immediately afterwards; it seems to trigger my sugar cravings. So sadly, these too will have to go. 

I suspect also that I am pretty reliant on coffee, and find that without it, my moods are more level, my thinking is less frantic. I am not 100% committed to giving it up (although I have for the last three days), because I worry that one must have at least one little vice or thing to look forward to in one's day!

But is this just feeding in to addictive thinking? If yes, ok, but is this what I want? 

This is an experiment, and the point is to see if giving up sugar means I will be able to live a happier life without it. 

I guess an endeavor of this size takes a lot of planning. I will get on to that right now. 

I plan to log my journey, as a way of seeing what unfolds. 

Yours Sincerely,

Clare Brown